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Five Phrases People Need To Stop Using

10/16/2013 08:55 EDT | Updated 01/23/2014 06:58 EST

There are phrases that come along all the time which sprout legs and become popular sayings amongst the masses. Such clever catchphrases can often be used to define an era or certain moment in time.

"Totally Tubular" is forever -- and thankfully -- locked in the 80s, just as "Far Out, Man" reminds people of the late 60s. Unfortunately, almost all such comments have a limited shelf life. That doesn't change the fact that the masses will continue to use them long after they have become stale. Faster than you can say "Been There, Done That", here is a list of common phrases that have worn out their welcome.

5. "I Just Threw Up In My Mouth a Little Bit." This little nugget comes to us from the 2004 comedy flick Dodgeball. Christine Taylor says this line to Ben Stiller when he makes a pass at her. It's a funny line, and also ironic due to the fact that Taylor is married to Stiller in real life.

In 2004, the line was very original and clever. Almost a decade later, it has become the go-to line for every girl in a bar being offered a drink she doesn't want and anyone on the Internet who sees a photo he or she doesn't like. It's not only a stale remark at this point, it's disturbing to think that there are apparently millions of people constantly throwing up in their mouths. Does no one make it to the toilet to puke anymore? Have we lost our ability to control our gag reflexes?

4. "That's _____ Minutes of My Life I'll Never Get Back". You can thank Internet "comment" sections for this asinine phrase. Go to any random Internet page right now. Chances are pretty good that, in the "comments" section that follows any video or article, someone has decided to share their oh-so-clever opinion that the content did nothing useful.

The person using it believes his time to be so important that precious minutes he normally would have been put to better use were instead wasted. If your time is so valuable to you, what are you doing on YouTube in the first place? Why did you spend those four minutes watching that kitten video when you know we're all waiting for you to find that cure for Restless Leg Syndrome you've been working on? A truly narcissistic phrase, it also ignores the fact that the person who uses it wasted additional time writing the comment in the first place.

3. "That's Gonna Leave a Mark." This line was really funny when John Candy said it in 1987's Spaceballs. It even managed to be funny again when Chris Farley said it in the 1995 movie Tommy Boy. It was pretty tired by the time 2000 rolled around and Keanu Reeves said it in The Replacements. But that didn't stop Tim Allen from saying it in The Santa Clause 2. Then it showed up in Dickie Roberts, Kangaroo Jack, and G-Force, to name a few. Yes, getting hit with blunt objects can and will often leave bruising, swelling, or scarring. Everyone now knows this, and movie characters can stop telling us about the likelihood of it happening. And everyone else can stop saying it when watching videos of men getting hit in the crotch. You know what else happens when men get hit repeatedly in the groin? They throw up in their mouths a little bit.

2. "Epic Fail." Like most of the cliches on this list, this one comes to us courtesy of the Internet. When you're online, it's not enough to tell someone that they are wrong, or that their attempt at communication has not succeeded. We now need to let people know that they did not just make a mistake, but that their failure was "Epic." There is no middle ground. Tried to convince someone of Evolution? Epic Fail. Showed a clip of you singing "My Heart Will Go On" but couldn't quite hit that one high note? Epic Fail. You actually have the nerve to say you liked the movie Daredevil? Epic Fail. And you just made someone throw up in his or her mouth a little bit.

1. "LOL". It's likely that no single phrase has found its way into the public vernacular quite as quickly and overwhelmingly as "LOL." Meaning, of course, "laughing out loud," this phrase came to light in online chat rooms in the 90s. It soon became the go-to response for almost everything, thanks to the popularity of cell phone texting.

You were late to work today? LOL. You can't believe she wore that dress? LOL. You think that the other political party is ridiculous and you want to insult anyone who is a member of it? LOL. The worst part about this phrase is that -- much like the equally annoying "ROTFL", where no one is actually caught laughing on the ground -- the person using it is almost certainly not doing exactly what they say they are doing. The over-usage of this remark is so great, it has been ruined for those who have used it sparingly and only when actually, you know, laughing...out loud.

"Here's a quarter, call someone who cares" was cute for five minutes. "Don't go away mad, just go away" was idiotic from the get-go. There are snarky comments and catchphrases that come along all the time and find their way into the mouths of millions. What are some phrases you think need to go away right now? NOTE: If you use any of the above phrases in the comments section below, you're not remotely being clever. LOL.

Ward Anderson is stand-up comedian and one half of the talk radio program "Ward and Al", heard weekday mornings on SiriusXM satellite radio. His first novel hits bookshelves in spring 2014. The thought of it being an epic failure makes him throw up in his mouth a little bit.

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