Last year, when I turned 40, I wrote 40 things I'd learned over the years. Well, there was so much that didn't make the list -- as well as more I learned over the past year. So, here's 41 things I've learned at 41.
1. People always said to me, "Wait until you have kids, then your views on parenting will change". They were wrong.
2. It's silly to say that you can't have an opinion on parenting without being a parent. None of my friends are in politics, but they have no problem assuming to know how to do that job.
3. The people with all of the talent always wind up working for the people with none of it.
4. I'm often appalled at how much time I've wasted being upset over First World Problems.
5. Dry your razor after you shave and it will last much longer. It gets dull because it gets wet and rusty, not because your facial hair wears it down.
6. Some people think that the toilet paper should fall over the roll and some people think the toilet paper should fall under the roll. Both groups of people need something better to do with their time.
7. I'm amazed at how many people I grew up with became bitter, old, white people before they were even 40. And are still oblivious to how good they've always had it.
8. Krystals is better than White Castle.
9. If you're overwhelmingly the majority religion -- and most of your nation's leaders adhere to your faith -- chances are you aren't being persecuted.
10. I laugh every time I hear someone say "Today's music sucks", because people have been saying that for generations. My parents said it in 1985 and I'm determined not to say it to my kid ever.
11. I'm still annoyed at the ending of Lost.
12. I'm fully aware that being annoyed for years at the finale of a TV show constitutes First World Problems.
13. Every argument I hear in favour of spanking children reeks of taking the easy way out.
14. I'd rather have a luxury car than a sports car.
15. We need new Christmas songs.
16. If you dress nicely on a plane, people will treat you better. Sometimes even give you a free upgrade.
17. If you put more than one ice cube in a fine whisky, you might as well have ordered the cheap stuff.
18. No one wants to hear you whistle in public. It's just as annoying as it would be if you broke into song.
19. Having a bleeding heart is exhausting but worth it in the long run.
20. Wear blue to an interview. It makes people more comfortable.
21. I can't believe I was in such a hurry to grow up. This is fun and whatnot, but I had a lot less stress when I was fourteen.
22. You don't realize how little people like to read until you write a book.
23. Your version of "Do Not Disturb" and the hotel staff's version of "Do Not Disturb" will vary greatly, depending upon the time of day and whether or not it's shift change.
24. Marry the person who hates the music you listen to but loves you anyway.
25. Every man secretly wants his daughter to wind up with a man who is like he is in his forties and nothing like he was in his twenties.
26. It took me twenty years to succeed in my business. And yet I still have to be reminded I'm successful. I wonder if that will ever change. Most people who know me doubt it.
27. Anyone who thinks karma is a real thing never worked in the entertainment industry.
28. Most critics can't do the very thing they critique.
29. Stop listening to what the snobs say and just drink whatever wine with whatever food you want. Your tastebuds aren't wrong, so do whatever makes them happy.
30. Facebook used to not be so stressful. Now it's just constant political arguments peppered with cute pictures of babies and kittens.
31. Be roommates with a stranger. Being roommates with a close friend is a great way to ruin that friendship.
32. Most delicious snack I ever had: deep-fried tarantulas. The point is to try something you think you will hate. You might just be surprised.
33. Boiled peanuts are still the best go-to snack anywhere, any time. Just hard to find north of the Mason-Dixon line.
34. Having a pregnant wife is a lot like owning a motorcycle. You don't notice them until you have one, and then you see them everywhere.
35. Be polite to the people behind the counter at the fast food restaurant. No one really wants that job. And yet we all seem to find ourselves eating fast food at some point.
36. The TV show you loved as a kid will seem awful when you re-watch it as an adult...and yet you'll still love it.
37. There are too many choices at a movie theatre these days. Just have popcorn and a soda. There's a reason those two have been staples for over 70 years.
38. I see people get so upset at their favourite sports team losing a game and think it's absurd and petty and silly...and then I remember that I'm still annoyed at the finale of Lost.
39. I will encourage my daughter to be anything she wants and to choose any career she wants, as long as she is happy in whatever career she chooses.
40. I hope my daughter doesn't want to be an entertainer.
41. The only thing I really miss about my twenties is my twentysomething metabolism.
41.5. One month before I turned 41, my first novel was released. It's called I'll Be Here All Week. It's available wherever books are sold. It's a love story.
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