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'Orphan Black' Season 2, Episode 6 Recap: Fun Times In Cold River

*** SPOILER ALERT: Please do not read on unless you've seen "Orphan Black" Season 2, Episode 6, titled "To Hound Nature In Her Wanderings." (Unless you like spoilers, then go right ahead.) ***

We can all agree that Sarah and Helena's little road trip to the Place of Screams (a.k.a. Cold River) was satisfying, right? From Helena's adorable sing-along in Mrs. S.'s truck to Helena's instigation of a straight-up bar brawl, it was cuteness overload. I never thought at the end of Season 1 that I'd see Sarah laughing at Helena's anything by the midpoint of Season 2, but here we are!

The two clones head off to Cold River but stop midway for the night, sleeping in a tent. Anyone else love that shot of them head-to-foot, side-by-side in the tent? Again, these "womb-like" shots are beautiful, such a pleasure to behold. But of course Sarah and Helena aren't alone; traitor/jerkface/clone-f**ker Paul is on their tail(s) and rooting through Mrs. S.'s truck while they sleep.

They come upon the Swan Man church the next day, and Sarah leaves Helena alone in the truck while she goes in to investigate. Look, I love Sarah and all, but that's a stupid move. You'd think she'd learn by this point to never leave Helena alone. When Sarah reached her umpteenth hour in the church, I kept wondering how she wasn't absolutely panicked by the idea of Helena out in that truck by herself. If Helena could escape Art's handcuffs and restraints with a pull tab, surely she can open an unlocked truck door and cause serious havoc in a small town. Think, Sarah, think.

It doesn't take Helena long, as she goes into a nearby bar and orders a rainbow of different alcoholic beverages. Trademark Gross Small-Town Creeper hits on Helena and she sprains his finger with ease, threatening to do more if he doesn't leave her alone. He splits from the scene when Trademark Cute Small-Town Guy Jesse (played by "Suits" Patrick J. Adams) intervenes, and there's an instant chemistry between him and Helena. In what might be the cutest pick-up exchange ever ("White Russian?" "Pork rind?"), the two hit it off immediately. It takes a special kind of guy to find Helena attractive, and in Jesse, we've found him. Arm-wrestling and police talk as foreplay? Just adorable.

Meanwhile, down in the church archives, Sarah discovers some horrible images of deformed children, obviously experiments conducted at the Cold River Institute. At first, I thought Sarah's only revelations were going to be 1) that they tried to clone people and 2) that Ethan Duncan had been at Cold River, and I wrote in my notes "duhhhhhhhhhhhhh," because we already knew all of that! But then Helena inadvertently starts the bar brawl, so then it becomes clear that this little jaunt is a way to separate Helena and Sarah, and Sarah does glean Ethan's address from the archives -- as well as the fact he stole a dead child's identity (Andrew Peckham). Sarah watches as Helena is shoved into the back of a police car and heads to Ethan's place on her own.

When Mrs. S. answered the door at Ethan's house I was like, COME ON. Either this woman comes clean in the next episode or I'm going to snap. Who is she? What is she up to? Whose side is she on? I guess she could have killed Sarah if she wanted to, but she didn't. Or is it because Sarah is too valuable to whatever cause she's working for? Too many questions. While Sarah grills poor messed-up Ethan, Mrs. S. heads out to the car to confront the stalking clone-f**ker -- which was another bizarre exchange. They seem to know each other, but what the hell? Ugh.

Back in the city, Cosima has gotten very negative, despite a seemingly positive physical reaction to the stem-cell treatment. She's no longer jovial or upbeat, and the smile is gone from her face. (Reader @TatianaMDaily sent me this Complex article about Cosima's future -- a must-read for fans.) Both Delphine (in-person) and Sarah (over the phone) pick up on her tone and ask if she's OK. It's obvious she's not, which makes me think that Cosima might be the next clone to go. As sad as that is, it makes the most sense. When nerdy lab assistant Scott tells Delphine that he's identified an anomaly in the stem cells (they're not fully clone cells -- obviously they're Kira's), it solidified my opinion that Cosima is not long for this world. But this is "Orphan Black," and I'm sure by the end of the next episode there will be new developments.

I was going to rant in this recap about how we're not getting enough Alison, but whew, there she is in rehab. With VIC. When he walked into the circle and sat down, I was sure he was going to explode and break her cover, but he held it in. Buddhists are calmer, dontcha know. He and Alison strike up an unexpected friendship that warms my heart until Vic goes outside and gets into Angie's car. Oh, goddamn it, Angie, I should have known we hadn't seen the last of you. And now you're messing with my girl Alison? I hate you even more.

Back at Ethan's house Sarah continues to grill him, and Mrs. S. returns to the house (after sending Paul away, I think), giving Ethan permission to spill the beans. It all comes out; it seems that Leekie -- after all my praise for him last week, I'm a fool! -- is the bad guy, and he stole Rachel after killing Ethan's wife, whom he genuinely seemed to love. So the question becomes: is Rachel aware of Leekie's past behaviour, or has she been duped too? Because if she's aware, then she's just using Leekie for her own motivations, which are really unclear at the moment. If she's been fooled, then it's anyone's guess as to how she's going to react. My guess? With violence.

Also, doesn't anyone notice that Helena is missing? Art tells Sarah he's going to try and get Helena released, but c'mon. This is Art we're talking about. Other than that pathetic gesture, no one seems to care. So when the Prolethians swoop into the police station and tell Helena about her eggs, of course she's going to go with them. None of this is going to end well.

The Golden Clone:(I'll be awarding the best clone of the week) Helena can beat a guy at arm-wrestling and down shots better than a full-blown alcoholic. Geez, I might be falling in love with her, too.

Random Thoughts:

  • "Sugar Sugar" is a hit with nuns in Ukraine. Who knew?
  • Michiel Huisman is officially the luckiest guy in Hollywood right now. He gets to make out and have fake TV sex with Tatiana Maslany and Emilia Clarke (over on "Game Of Thrones"). Dude, hold tight to that horseshoe.
  • Felix and Art make a wonderful odd couple. I loved it when Felix drunkenly grabbed Art's ass.
  • Can we talk about Helena's wig for a sec? I get that it's supposed to be everywhere, but it's looking a bit ghetto sometimes at the roots. I'm nitpicking, I know, but it was distracting.
  • Alison: "I'll cut off your dangly balls!"
  • Mrs. S. had better have a damn good reason for all the secrecy and cryptic behaviour. It's getting beyond annoying not knowing what team she's playing for. Though if Dyad got access to Kira's blood, then it had to be while she was in Mrs. S.'s care.
  • Helena will be impregnated soon. Looks like Tatiana will be wearing that pregnancy bump after all.
"Orphan Black"
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