It has been just over a week since Amanda Todd's tragic and heart-breaking suicide, which she committed to end the pain from the endless torment of the bullies in her life. A week filled with the public's sadness, questions, and soul-searching. A week of outcries: "How did we stand by and let this happen?" "What can we do to prevent another Amanda Todd tragedy?" "Bullies should be punished immediately and harshly!"
And at the end of that week, suddenly and predictably, eight girls in London, Ontario, have been arrested for bullying another, and have been charged with criminal harassment.
We deservedly feel guilt and shame over Amanda's fate and our inaction as bystanders to other cases of bullying. But the desire to do something, and perhaps to relieve our sense of guilt, should not lead us to precipitously arrest every bully, without first exploring other avenues for resolving these conflicts.
Of the many options available to deal with bullying and bullies, the criminal law is the harshest, most punitive response we can use against anyone, particularly young people, who are still developing and often fighting their own emotional battles.
In our efforts to prevent another Amanda Todd tragedy, we must take care not to be too hasty in the use of our bluntest and most retaliatory weapon, the criminal law.
Our zeal must not render us bullies, as well.
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Currently, we know very little about the London events that have led to the charges against the young women, or the emotional torment of their victim. Reports indicate that a female student was the victim of emotional, physical, and cyber-bullying -- all pointing toward another possibly tormented young life.
It may well be that the arrest and criminal charges against those eight girls in London is justified.
It may well be that all other options for dealing with this problem had been explored and tried, to no avail.
But it is equally likely that under pressure to respond forcefully to bullying, the police cast the net too wide and arrested too many people.
Did educators and parents try other, more effective, more empowering means of resolving the problem?
In general, the heavy hand of criminal law is a poor deterrent to most crimes. Its impact can be devastating to the accused and unhelpful to the victim. Worse still, criminally charging the perpetrators may end neither the bullying nor the suffering of the victim. Indeed, the teasing, the emotional harm, the disenfranchisement and the dislike of the victim may increase, especially if the kids arrested are popular, or if their friends and other community members believe that the accusations or arrests were unjustified or a disproportionate response.
There are alternative, more effective means of preventing and dealing with bullying. These means require the collaboration and involvement of parents, teachers, counselors and community members. They require changes in our habits and an examination of how we, as adults, speak about colleagues and peers. They require changes in our parenting styles: What shows we permit our children to watch; whether we talk to them about integrity and courage; whether we emphasize "coolness" over kindness.
Do we, as a community, use supportive processes that encourage accountability by those who have inflicted the hurt? Do we implement and use processes that facilitate communication by the victim, who may feel empowered by the chance to confront her tormentors? Do we search for the possible, underlying problems in the life of the bully that have led him or her to act meanly? Do we look for solutions that can help both the victims and the bullies and will be transformative for everyone?
These measures may appear more time-consuming, but in the end, they are likely to be far more effective than the threat and the risks of criminal charges.
Skip these efforts and immediately charge, criminalize and potentially imprison kids who have engaged in bullying, and we send our children the wrong message: "Your harsh and unforgiving behaviour will be met with even harsher and sometimes more draconian consequences."
It's like reacting to a four-year-old's hitting of a friend by spanking the four-year-old. "You are going to hurt someone else? Well, we are going to hurt you even more," we threaten.
Skip the other efforts and we are abdicating our responsibility as parents and as a community, and leaving everything to the heavy hand of the criminal law, which should only and always be used as a last resort.
Follow Dyanoosh Youssefi on Twitter: www.twitter.com/DyanooshY
The media has no problem letting the public know when a gay kid or white kid is bullied... They are not the only ones being bullied!
Bullying will continue to go on until all children are treated with the same value. Minorities are bullied all the time, both in school and in the workplace. Why does the media not share these stories? We frequently hear the term "gay bullying", like that is the only form of bullying.
Get real... Until we believe in our hearts that we are all created equally and treat all victims with concern, then things are only going to get worse!
I was (and am) very vocal about my belief that the person(s) who drove Amanda Todd to her death should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
(A somewhat shallow aside: I want a crown attorney as clever and inventive as Jack McCoy to go after these -- these -- dysfunctional DNA packets. Sorry -- just finished watching an old "Law & Order" episode.)
However, that does not mean that I don't think that intervention/education/counseling is useless. I support all the community initiatives that have proven to work.
I will add that I am somewhat cynical and I do not worship at the altar of psychology (even though I have been helped by it). Therapy is not a total cure-all.
I am old-fashioned enough to think that some people are just plain BAD, whether they be the parents of the bully, the bully him/herself or the culture that looks the other way or actively supports it (the attitude that it'll "toughen" the victim up, or it's something everyone has to go through, what's so special about you?) because the authority figure is a bully themselves and vicariously enjoys watching the victims' pain.
And if you think everyone in the educational system is benevolent, I've got a nice bridge in New York you might be interested in. :)
To the wider issue of bullying: Amanda's case represents a monumental failure. Failure of the parents to instill character in their children. Failure of the school teachers and administrators to see the problem and address it. And most of all, failure of the students. Those who participated in the bullying, those who spectated, and those to turned their backs.
There are no heroes in this story.
The sad truth is that girls love bullies. They get attracted to them. They LOVE guys that pick on guys that are weaker than them. It makes them horny. And YES even teens and tweens get horny! As long as girls like bullies, there will be guy bullies in the world. And since no one can change what girls are attracted to, girls can't stop liking bullies, therefore there will always be male bullies.
If my dog go off his leash and attacked somebody else, my dog would be taken away from me and I would be charged. The same should be true of bullies and their parents.
Criminal law should be reserved for the more serious cases, where other efforts have not worked.
My article is not about Amanda Todd. We know that Amanda Todd's family did much to try and help her. She moved, even. I don't know what anyone else did- if the information has recently come out, I haven''t see it. Assuming that people (schools, peers, etc.), did NOT act, then they are equally guilty. If they did really try to stop the harassment, and failed, then that is when it would be appropriate for the law to step in. Long before Amanda Todd ever had to go to a hospital...long before she had to move. That is when everyone should have gotten very serious.
I was bullied earlier in life-- certainly not anything nearly as bad as what some kids face, especially with cyberbullying and its omnipresence, but charging those kids would not have helped them or me.
The criminal law ought to be reserved for the most serious cases where nothing else has worked.
YES. If an adult bullies another adult, it's called harrassmnet, assault oreven attempted murder in some cases. These are criminal acts and should not be labelled as anything less because the perpetrators are under 18.
Keep in mind that the Amanda Todd case does not represent reality. The media only ever presents the most extreme cases. That's what people choose to read about. That's what sells papers. But there are many degrees of bullying. As a general rule, bullying does not destroy children's lives and push them to suicide.
If you want to convince me that criminal sanctions are the universal answer, then you have to show that it's both necessary and effective. And neither you nor the media has done so. I'm completely with the author on this one. The police and courts should get involved in only the most extreme cases.
It is also important to realize the bullying often consists of actions that should be called by their real legal names: stalking, sexual harassment, vandalism, assault, aggravated assault, extortion, theft.
i'm not saying NO action at the legislative level should be taken but, for sure, we have to be wary of the hype surrounding these incidents and realize that they don't just appear out of thin air at school. look at the media, corporations, our values, and our families and parents before we start throwing laws down.
Now granted, there are grey areas outside of school property, where schools have little power over what happens. But why not detention for the bullies keeping them late? Why not suspension for every time the bullying is brought to light thereby making an example of the bully for the rest of the school.
But the reality we are seeing is bullying now extends beyond the schoolgrounds where the law is the only real authority protecting kids. And bullying, the way I see it, IS criminal harassment and assault. That is illegal and if it occurs, charges should be pressed immediately.
Parents? They either have no clue or turn a blind eye or are the reason their kid is a bully to begin with. I once broke up what looked like a bad, bullying sitatuion and 20 minutes later the mom showed up at my house to yell at me. So parents are often the problem....even if they think their own intentions are good. I'm sure their attitude is going to be different if the cops show up at the door.
I agree that there are times when parents not only are NOT helpful, they are part of the problem. In fact, the kids who are serious bullies are likely to be growing up in families where there is bully parents. Having said that, some parents may genuinely be unaware of the extent of their kid's actions, and may try to deal with it appropriately.
The point is that criminal law should not be the first response. Otherwise, we could end up with the same horrible situation that we had with "zero tolerance," where we criminalized, jailed, and sometimes destroyed the lives of children for years because of the kinds of acts and pranks that 20 years ago would have resulted in no action or just a talk (say, taking our the fire extinguisher and spraying it in an empty classroom).
Not every case of an act that could technically be considered illegal should necessarily fall into the criminal justice system.
And, as you did, I think that bystanders should intervene when appropriate. I have done so a number of time.
I don't think that that would apply to all parents, however.
But I do think much more needs to be done than the seemingly 'nothing' that has been. And I think until schools or parents start taking this issue more seriously, the cops are probably going to end up filling the gap.