It's Friday and my phone is ringing. It's from a guy I've been talking to and had arbitrarily decided to go for drinks early in the week. Given our busy schedules, he was supposed to call and confirm our plans on Monday, and here it was Friday and he was just calling me. Really? I'm thinking either this guy has lost all sense of time or he is one courageous man. Now, if you've read any of my blogs on relationships you know my motto is POOF! Be gone! for bad behaviour. That's right, on to the next guy in line.
Except today as I finally decided to return his call and inform him that he had now been "POOFed!" it dawned on me this guy was apparently clueless of his behaviour.
He claimed to have been swamped with work, and rather than send his regrets he thought he'd call when things calmed down... Really!?!?? Now clearly this is an excuse -- a bad one at that. But, I found myself wondering could there be more men making these fatal mistakes at love and not even realizing it? Just in case I thought I'd reveal four deadly mistakes men make when it comes to dating.
Letting your ego get the best of you. This is a big one. Through the luxury of having a lot of male friends I've been able to observe their behaviour up close and personal when it comes to a girl showing interest in them. It's quite interesting. All of a sudden they'll walk with a new pep in their stride. They have a built up confidence when approaching other girls. And while girl number one (let's call her Jane) is showing genuine interest, Mr. Man is not necessarily ready to reciprocate his interest.
Instead he wants to see what else is out there because, clearly if she finds him attractive most girls must feel the same way too. This is a slippery slope and may find you with no girl interested in you. While you have fallen in love with yourself, and have grown an ego too large for another person to be in the room with you, Jane has moved on. Tired of your lukewarm reception a girl who knows her own worth will move on... and quickly... or just might be snapped up by another guy that recognizes her worth. Fellas, just because a girl pays you some attention DOES NOT mean you are the man of her dreams. Tone the ego down a notch!
Taking too long to contact us. We as women have been conditioned to expect that when a guy is really interested in us he is going to let us know -- otherwise, "He's just not that into you." There isn't any waiting for a phone call, e-mail, or text. This guy KNOWS he's got a great girl and isn't about to risk losing her to another guy.
Gone are the days of waiting three days to contact us. If you are taking more than 24 hours to reply or follow-up YOU my dear man have lost your cue in line. That's right, while you might have been the front runner and someone she was really interested in getting to know, with each passing day you likely are losing your relevance. Especially for a woman who knows her worth. We've now put you on the back burner since it appears to us that you could be blowing us off. Linger too long, especially with a girl who has other possible suitors, and you will POOF! Be gone!
Talking about yourself too much. In the beginning it is not uncommon for the man to dominate the conversation and typically talk about themselves in an effort to impress us females. The problem is you can come off a little bit full of yourself and not interested in the object of your affection. When it comes to dating I like to suggest the "share and ask" procedure. Tell a little bit about yourself and ask her some questions about her life, her day, and her interest. Comparatively, being nebulous about yourself is also never a good route to go. A mysterious man could mean a man living a double life -- possibly a family in the suburb and another family in the city. It can be a red flag for women. So, certainly telling us about yourself is great but don't forget to show some interest in us as well.
Entering the friend box. Men beware. You do not want to be type-casted as just a friend with a woman, because once you are in that box it is next to impossible to get out. How you get in that box is by maintaining a very chummy rapport. Certainly, going dutch on a date in the early stages could launch you into the friend box. Body contacts that are synonymous with being just friends -- high fives, fist bumps, arm-length hugs -- could also cast you in the friend box. Look for those moments to be a little more friendlier with a girl. Getting a little closer in a hug, placing your hand on the small of her back, or holding her hand can make it clear to her that your intentions are more than just friend.
The problem is when it comes to dating there are many "fish in the sea." So, while you may be fortunate to attract the attention of a certain girl -- it is up to you handle it with care and know that if you drop the ball she has other options. The world of dating can be fun, but always remember to proceed with caution. You don't want to ruin your chance with the women of your dreams.
You're Non-Relationship Expert,
So maybe you don't have a six-pack or a Master's degree — there's no reason why you shouldn't be yourself on your profile, says Shannon Tebb, a dating consultant based in Toronto. Tebb adds you should never lie about your weight or job, and honesty is the best way to start a relationship. Also, if it is your first time using a dating site, don't be afraid to state it on your profile.
There's nothing, we repeat, nothing sexy about a spelling mistake on your dating profile. Experts at Lavalife.com add this can indicate a lack of care to other users.
Once you start researching dating sites, you're going to find many to choose from. Depending on what you're looking for (paid services, free sites or ethnic-specific sites, for example), always stick to one. "Don't overwhelm yourself, stick to one first. You may get too many messages and may not have the energy to respond to them all," Tebb says.
Eating, travelling, working out — most people tend to write these "hot topic words" on their online dating profiles. In 2013, get more specific and if you can, describe ideal dates or your favourite memories instead, LavaLife.com adds.
What are you looking for? Casual dating? Hook-ups? A long-term relationship? Tebb says when writing your profile page, make sure your expectations are visible. "This will help you weed out the people who aren't looking for what you want," she says.
One study found profiles with pictures get eight times the response compared to those without, according to Lavalife.com. When you're putting up photos, try choosing professional ones and add variety to show off some of your interests and hobbies.
If you do enter into a relationship or seem to have exhausted all your possibilities on a site, Tebb recommends deleting your account. This way, you're not distracted and can focus on another site or method of dating.
Before you make your profile public, ask a close friend to proofread it for you, according to Lavalife.com. Your friends will give you an honest opinion and help you find the perfect picture.
If you just started a new hobby or attended an event in your city, make sure you keep your profile updated with news, Tebb adds. Also, keep your page light — don't overwhelm users with your past relationships or what you're not looking for.
So maybe you won't find love, but this doesn't mean you should quit. If you haven't met someone you mesh with, Tebb suggests using one site for at least three months before moving on.
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